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Jan. 2nd, 2006 @ 06:26 pm
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Jan. 1st, 2006 @ 05:12 pm
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i did not fall off the face of the earth, but i am back at home now.
my plane got back friday at nine.
i spent new years with courtney and steck and aaron on my bed having alot of fun.
my new years resolution is to be a better person than everyone that has ever been an asshole to me. so far so good.
bye |
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Dec. 23rd, 2005 @ 12:46 am
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this time tomorrow ill be on the other side of the country.
hellllloooooo washington.
im not to excited, since i have to leave you guys for a week. ok, thres really only 2 people im leaving. damnit.
call me if the sadness is unbearable- 3000949 |
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Dec. 18th, 2005 @ 07:24 pm
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so friday- well i came home and freaked out because there were 2 cars in my driveway that i have never seen before. i was for sure i was about to get murdered. then. alex cordell comes running out!! and he carried me in my house and walter sarah and justin were there! they were awesome. so i hung out with them then they left and i fell asleep. and walter called me and told me to meet them at mcallisters deli. sooo i did. i was going to go home and clean my room and stuff before my trip, but. walter decided to me funny and kidnap ,me. while throwing me in the car he slammed my face against the emergency break and now i have a black eye. they took me to columbia and thompson station, which was really boring except for laying in alexs bed with him watching some crazy movie. anyways, back to brentwood to go get steck and go visit carol at steak and shake aroung 10, then everyone fucking showed up. jd,unkie,sam,alex,walter, and someone elses i didnt know. then i went to take steck home and went to walters house cause i told alex i would. i get there around 1230 and alex comes out and sits in my car with me for 3 hours. anyways. he is my soulmate. i finally figured out how late it was and went home, passed out and woke up at 6.
sat- got in the car, passed back out till about 4 and woke up for an hour, get to my brothers house 6 hours later! dear god, ewatched a movie and drank some wine coolers. chilled, fell asleep.
sun- woke up and ate breakfast and talked. said bye to nathan and jess and everyone cried. :( drove home, went to sonic to see COURTNEY FACE!! and alex and walter came, chilled there for an hour and now i am home studying for my exams. kbye |
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Dec. 17th, 2005 @ 07:32 am
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alex cordell is my soulmate. i have known him for 7 years and i love him
and columbia/thompson station sucks |
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ive never wanted to kill myself more than i do right now
Dec. 8th, 2005 @ 10:20 pm
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apparently i am an ungreatful child
Dec. 6th, 2005 @ 06:41 pm
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i sleep way too much
Dec. 5th, 2005 @ 10:16 pm
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ok so
he totally asked for MY number.
ohgod.
:) i hope he calls soon. hes way cute.
too bad i cant remember his name. damnit. jason??!?!
ohgodheissocute!
and yes, i do pick up boys at the bowling alley
Dec. 3rd, 2005 @ 11:04 pm
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i tried, and failed, to cut the confusion from under my skin. if i drank a bottle of vodka, i would tell you everything you could ever dream of knowing. who would listen anymore? who would care? i have so much that needs to be said if someone would just listen.
Dec. 2nd, 2005 @ 11:27 pm
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sometimes i just start thinking. and thinking and thinking. and it makes me really depressed.
cause while i was thinking, i realized im the exact same place i was last year, only without someone that loves me and called me.
then i realized how pathetic i am because its been 5 months and i still am not over him.
then i realize nothing is worth anything and i honestly used to be happy.
but im not and i never will be.
i cant live with that.
so now im just very depressed.
Dec. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:56 pm
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tonight is christmas for me!
and we are opening presents. oh im soooooooo excited!
Nov. 30th, 2005 @ 08:24 pm
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thanks to everyone that came to the one acts!
even though they sucked!
hahahaha
Nov. 29th, 2005 @ 09:45 pm
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im so bored im depressed
im so depressed im bored....
working outside in cold weather sucks.
Nov. 22nd, 2005 @ 10:10 pm
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friday= show at the muse. lauren,carol,craig,garret,andrew,and jd. pizza,beer,smoking, really loud music. love
saturday=sleep. wake up.... at 7:30. employee meeting till 9. starbucks with cface, micheal,kaley and shana. home. courneys house. the bank (hahahaha). the mall, my house. shower,hour and half nap with cface. wake up,get ready, meet carol at sonic. no nose peircing. waffle. sonic. shopping. home. movie. talking. cface left. phonecalls. bullshit. sleep.
sunday= work 11-4:30. the mall. sonic. home. tv. publix. sonic. home. computer. now
clipside of the pinkeyed flight
im not the percent you'd think survives.
i need sanctuary in the pages of this book.
lovelovelove
kbye
Nov. 20th, 2005 @ 08:52 pm
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I fought so hard to tear down all my walls. My own personal victory, however small it may be. However pointless it seems now. The truth is that I never worked so hard for anything in my life and I don’t even know what I’m referring to now. I am no longer selfish, foolish, and the like. I am not defective. It’s strange, honestly, to say all this when just two years ago it all so true. My past, it is incriminating, but I will not deny it anymore. I have come to terms with the person I was then. I see how it has shaped me now, how I am submissive, passive, and not altogether redundant. The truth is I could have been anyone I wanted; although at the time I did not realize this truth. Or perhaps I did. I wasn’t anyone; I was everyone so it didn’t matter. Nothing I felt was my own and nothing belonged to me. I loved these songs, I really did, but even they don’t mean anything anymore. It just brings back all those feelings of mediocrity and maybe things aren’t so different now, but it all has new disguises. There is no meth, no alcohol, and certainly no destruction. The material substances have gone, but the feelings have not entirely. It is all merely fading, just as everything else.
Nov. 17th, 2005 @ 09:36 pm
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changing my hair color wont change fix anything.
im still me, remember?
im still in love with you,
and i suck at hiding it.
i wish you would just come back to me... i would die of happiness if you did.
Nov. 17th, 2005 @ 06:00 pm
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Please put the doctor on the phone 'cause I'm not making any sense
Blame everyone but me for this mess
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart
From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How my worst fears are letting out
He said why put a new address
On the same old loneliness
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
Now talking's just a waste of breath
And living's just a waste of death
And why put a new address
On the same old loneliness
And this is you and me
And me and you
Until we've got nothing left
♥Keep quiet,
Nothing comes as easy as you.
Can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake.
The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day.♥
XXX So wear me like a locket around your throat.
I'll weigh you down.
I'll watch you choke.XXX
And the record won't stop skipping
And the lies just won't stop slipping
And besides my reputation's on the line
We can fake it for the airwaves
Force our smiles, baby, half dead
From comparing myself to everyone else around me
i really dont care if i ruined your friends page.
get the fuck over it.
Nov. 16th, 2005 @ 08:28 pm
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tonight was amaizing
raves+samjohnson+jd= awesome.
and bawls.
Nov. 12th, 2005 @ 11:02 pm
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just when i think my day is going really great...
i get in the car and my key snaps off in the ignition.
fuck that
I LIVE FOR LOVE-FOR HAPPY ENDINGS & FAIRYTALES;FOR NEW BEGINNINGS & NO MORE FAILURES & MAYBE ONE DAY...I'LL GET MY FAIRYTALE LOVE STORY
Nov. 10th, 2005 @ 10:19 pm
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